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Entry tags:
sleep on needles
pg-13; luhan/sehun
1229w
a/n: linna's birthday present because ilh ♥
1229w
a/n: linna's birthday present because ilh ♥
I.
If this were a movie, a central plot would be Luhan telling Sehun to stand there and kiss him already. But because this isn’t a movie, he’s tongue-tied and trembling a little under the dim hallway light, probably looking like the most pathetic loser in the party. Alcohol is the sun he revolves around tonight, but it doesn’t give Luhan enough courage to give breath to a desire. Through his swimming vision, he spots Sehun dancing away in the middle of the crowd of people, and he tries not to imagine the greedy hands trying to find purchase on his body – places Luhan may not be able to touch, ever. He returns his gaze at the bottle in his hand, and looks up when his lab partner Baekhyun slides up beside him, equally intoxicated.
“You better get him before he’s gone.” Baekhyun pries Luhan’s bottle away from his fingers, tipping it back into his own mouth. “Demand is high.”
Luhan chides himself for thinking that romance could be had in some college frat party.
II.
He doesn’t hurry out of his clothes. He prefers to bask in the moment, to somehow ingrain every image he’s seeing into his alcohol-ridden mind – but the tug in his gut is unrelenting, and Sehun’s kiss is doing nothing to discourage him. For once, Luhan’s roommate is outside doing who knows what – he honestly doesn’t have time to think – and the dorm is filled with sounds Luhan wants to store in a bottle and tuck away. Sehun’s hands roam his back, sliding dangerously low and Luhan thinks fuck it, he shouldn’t be thinking of anything else at the moment other than how good everything feels.
He also shouldn’t be expanding a fantasy around this evening and hoping it could weave into existence beyond that night. Luhan doesn’t tell Sehun he hasn’t gone to a party in months. He hasn’t told him he doesn’t do this at all. He forgets all his insecurities the moment his back hit the bed. And Luhan doesn’t want to open his eyes ever again, afraid that the magic would be shattered.
III.
Of course he left, idiot is the first thought that crosses Luhan’s mind when tries to grab onto thin air on the bed beside him. But he’d gone to sleep last night in Sehun’s arms hoping he’d wake up in them again. At least he wasn’t robbed, nor was he gutted and splayed on the wall. Luhan feels gutted all the same, as he walks out to find Kyungsoo making breakfast near the window that lets the most sunlight in as usual. The smile Kyungsoo flashes him is the familiar warm smile that calms him down in an instant, but it all feels too ordinary. After all, even bright things can turn monotonous.
Luhan doesn’t expect anything when they sit down together, but he’s wrong (again).
“Someone left this morning. He came out of your room,” Kyungsoo tests the waters, hesitating before asking, “who was he?”
“Nobody.” Luhan shoves the eggs into his mouth a little too aggressively. “When’d you get back?”
Kyungsoo seems to know that Luhan had really wanted to ask when did he leave? But he doesn’t let on. “Really early. Like, 5am?”
Had he wanted to avoid Luhan that much?
“You know, he knew my name.” Kyungsoo says casually. “When we passed, he said ‘morning, Kyungsoo.”
“How? He probably doesn’t even know my name. We’ve never talked.”
As soon as Luhan says that, he feels ridiculous, because he can still remember the way Sehun says his name last night crystal clear.
IV.
They drop the subject once the busiest week of college kicks off again, pulling all-nighters on a daily basis and surviving on stale cereal for breakfast (Kyungsoo doesn’t bother with the cooking anymore).
There’s something wrong with the world, because it’s only when someone has been pushed back to the deepest corner of your mind do they show up. It’s on a Sunday and Luhan had slept in, waking up only when Kyungsoo had smacked his ass and reminded him, rather forcefully, to take the trash out. After some unnecessary whining, he had wiped the drool on his face, pulled on some old hoodie he found on the floor and sweatpants and dragged the full black binbag outside.
The cold air outside makes him feel sleepy, but he stops mid-yawn when a pair of startled eyes stares back at him and shit he remembers those eyes very, very well.
Sehun seems to be unaffected by Luhan’s incredibly unattractive appearance and ambles over, scuffing his shoes on the ground for good measure a few times. Luhan feels his throat constricting at the sight of Sehun’s windswept hair, strands of flyaway hair falling into his face and tempting Luhan to tuck them back in place. His eyebrows are creased a little.
“Um. Hi?”
Two words out of Sehun’s mouth had Luhan freezing in place. He only barely manages a small smile.
“I’m sorry. For, you know. Leaving.”
This boy has difficulty speaking his mind, but Luhan isn’t about to complain when all he can do is stare at the ground and nod.
“Listen. There’s a party this weekend at my best friend’s house, so –“
A sickening feeling rises up in his throat and Luhan wants to run away because he’s sure he’s going to puke anytime soon. He doesn’t know whether Sehun had read his mind or it’d been his plan all along, but he says;
“Do you want to grab a coffee with me then, or something?”
V.
Everything is easy with Sehun. They’re awkward in the sense that Luhan might not know what he’s doing, but he knows Sehun’s in the same position as him and that makes him feel a lot better. Sehun buys his coffee and it’s a little too bitter for Luhan’s taste, but the light conversation and warm silence makes up for it. It’s not the perfect first date, but Luhan finds it intriguing how the pieces don’t fit together yet everything feels so right anyway.
They don’t talk about that night. Luhan wants to ask Sehun why he left, why he came home with Luhan, and what made him kiss Luhan in the first place. But maybe some things are better left unanswered. It’s a little silly, but he wonders sometimes whether Sehun had bottled everything up, just like Luhan had, and everything had just burst out that night. Luhan ponders over this possibility over and over again, turning it in his head, deciding that if he were in Sehun’s position he’d be well freaked out the next morning.
A light slap on his shoulder pulls him away from his thoughts, and Luhan smiles at Sehun’s confused face. He can get used to this.
VI.
Their second kiss is more careful, more hesitant than the first – and Luhan can’t help but think how different it is from the movies he watches but so much better. It’s like they’re playing the movie on rewind, the thought making Luhan laugh before Sehun pulls away to ask what’s so funny.
“Nothing.” Luhan waves it away, stifling his laughter with a hand. Sehun stands there with his arms still around his shoulders, apparently still confused so Luhan decides to muster up the courage to say what he’s been wanting to say since day one.
“Just kiss me already.”
If this were a movie, a central plot would be Luhan telling Sehun to stand there and kiss him already. But because this isn’t a movie, he’s tongue-tied and trembling a little under the dim hallway light, probably looking like the most pathetic loser in the party. Alcohol is the sun he revolves around tonight, but it doesn’t give Luhan enough courage to give breath to a desire. Through his swimming vision, he spots Sehun dancing away in the middle of the crowd of people, and he tries not to imagine the greedy hands trying to find purchase on his body – places Luhan may not be able to touch, ever. He returns his gaze at the bottle in his hand, and looks up when his lab partner Baekhyun slides up beside him, equally intoxicated.
“You better get him before he’s gone.” Baekhyun pries Luhan’s bottle away from his fingers, tipping it back into his own mouth. “Demand is high.”
Luhan chides himself for thinking that romance could be had in some college frat party.
II.
He doesn’t hurry out of his clothes. He prefers to bask in the moment, to somehow ingrain every image he’s seeing into his alcohol-ridden mind – but the tug in his gut is unrelenting, and Sehun’s kiss is doing nothing to discourage him. For once, Luhan’s roommate is outside doing who knows what – he honestly doesn’t have time to think – and the dorm is filled with sounds Luhan wants to store in a bottle and tuck away. Sehun’s hands roam his back, sliding dangerously low and Luhan thinks fuck it, he shouldn’t be thinking of anything else at the moment other than how good everything feels.
He also shouldn’t be expanding a fantasy around this evening and hoping it could weave into existence beyond that night. Luhan doesn’t tell Sehun he hasn’t gone to a party in months. He hasn’t told him he doesn’t do this at all. He forgets all his insecurities the moment his back hit the bed. And Luhan doesn’t want to open his eyes ever again, afraid that the magic would be shattered.
III.
Of course he left, idiot is the first thought that crosses Luhan’s mind when tries to grab onto thin air on the bed beside him. But he’d gone to sleep last night in Sehun’s arms hoping he’d wake up in them again. At least he wasn’t robbed, nor was he gutted and splayed on the wall. Luhan feels gutted all the same, as he walks out to find Kyungsoo making breakfast near the window that lets the most sunlight in as usual. The smile Kyungsoo flashes him is the familiar warm smile that calms him down in an instant, but it all feels too ordinary. After all, even bright things can turn monotonous.
Luhan doesn’t expect anything when they sit down together, but he’s wrong (again).
“Someone left this morning. He came out of your room,” Kyungsoo tests the waters, hesitating before asking, “who was he?”
“Nobody.” Luhan shoves the eggs into his mouth a little too aggressively. “When’d you get back?”
Kyungsoo seems to know that Luhan had really wanted to ask when did he leave? But he doesn’t let on. “Really early. Like, 5am?”
Had he wanted to avoid Luhan that much?
“You know, he knew my name.” Kyungsoo says casually. “When we passed, he said ‘morning, Kyungsoo.”
“How? He probably doesn’t even know my name. We’ve never talked.”
As soon as Luhan says that, he feels ridiculous, because he can still remember the way Sehun says his name last night crystal clear.
IV.
They drop the subject once the busiest week of college kicks off again, pulling all-nighters on a daily basis and surviving on stale cereal for breakfast (Kyungsoo doesn’t bother with the cooking anymore).
There’s something wrong with the world, because it’s only when someone has been pushed back to the deepest corner of your mind do they show up. It’s on a Sunday and Luhan had slept in, waking up only when Kyungsoo had smacked his ass and reminded him, rather forcefully, to take the trash out. After some unnecessary whining, he had wiped the drool on his face, pulled on some old hoodie he found on the floor and sweatpants and dragged the full black binbag outside.
The cold air outside makes him feel sleepy, but he stops mid-yawn when a pair of startled eyes stares back at him and shit he remembers those eyes very, very well.
Sehun seems to be unaffected by Luhan’s incredibly unattractive appearance and ambles over, scuffing his shoes on the ground for good measure a few times. Luhan feels his throat constricting at the sight of Sehun’s windswept hair, strands of flyaway hair falling into his face and tempting Luhan to tuck them back in place. His eyebrows are creased a little.
“Um. Hi?”
Two words out of Sehun’s mouth had Luhan freezing in place. He only barely manages a small smile.
“I’m sorry. For, you know. Leaving.”
This boy has difficulty speaking his mind, but Luhan isn’t about to complain when all he can do is stare at the ground and nod.
“Listen. There’s a party this weekend at my best friend’s house, so –“
A sickening feeling rises up in his throat and Luhan wants to run away because he’s sure he’s going to puke anytime soon. He doesn’t know whether Sehun had read his mind or it’d been his plan all along, but he says;
“Do you want to grab a coffee with me then, or something?”
V.
Everything is easy with Sehun. They’re awkward in the sense that Luhan might not know what he’s doing, but he knows Sehun’s in the same position as him and that makes him feel a lot better. Sehun buys his coffee and it’s a little too bitter for Luhan’s taste, but the light conversation and warm silence makes up for it. It’s not the perfect first date, but Luhan finds it intriguing how the pieces don’t fit together yet everything feels so right anyway.
They don’t talk about that night. Luhan wants to ask Sehun why he left, why he came home with Luhan, and what made him kiss Luhan in the first place. But maybe some things are better left unanswered. It’s a little silly, but he wonders sometimes whether Sehun had bottled everything up, just like Luhan had, and everything had just burst out that night. Luhan ponders over this possibility over and over again, turning it in his head, deciding that if he were in Sehun’s position he’d be well freaked out the next morning.
A light slap on his shoulder pulls him away from his thoughts, and Luhan smiles at Sehun’s confused face. He can get used to this.
VI.
Their second kiss is more careful, more hesitant than the first – and Luhan can’t help but think how different it is from the movies he watches but so much better. It’s like they’re playing the movie on rewind, the thought making Luhan laugh before Sehun pulls away to ask what’s so funny.
“Nothing.” Luhan waves it away, stifling his laughter with a hand. Sehun stands there with his arms still around his shoulders, apparently still confused so Luhan decides to muster up the courage to say what he’s been wanting to say since day one.
“Just kiss me already.”